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Bruce Willis And Tracy Morgan’s Cop Out – Just Plain Cops Out

On Monday I drove from the west side to Warner Bros. Studios for a screening of Cop Out, starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. I gave myself a little more than an hour to reach my destination. Needless to tell you, Los Angeles traffic is excruciating especially when you have to be somewhere at an appointed time.  

For some unexplained and cursed reason, Sunday drivers, who had yet to reach their destination were still on the streets and together with the usual melee of cars, SUVs and trucks, wackos (with the advent of cell phones you can’t tell who is actually speaking to another person or to themselves….I suspect  the overwhelming amount of drivers that day were talking to themselves); little old men and women who couldn’t see over their steering wheels; women putting on their makeup; guys communicating with the cute girl driving next to them and people honking as other cars desperately tried to get into their lane, apparently were all going to Burbank.

It was an insufferable drive as I inched towards my destination spewing a string of maniacal terminology and, at the same time, wondering how other drivers were viewing me. Finally, 70 minutes later, I was in my seat watching opening credits for a comedy, which was to bring me much needed relaxation and laughs. I got neither.

One wonders how hard up Willis is for money that he agreed to appear in this travesty written by brothers, Robb and Mark Cullen and directed by Southwest Airlines favorite passenger, Kevin Smith. I’ll wager that watching Southwest personnel trying to throw Smith off a flight is much funnier than a film featuring kicking in the groin hilarity and the glories and amount of one’s defecation.  

There are Mexican gangsters, the search for a classic Andy Pafko playing card stolen from Willis, difficult to hear dialogue (which is a blessing), a beautiful moll holding a key to millions of dollars in off-shore bank accounts, car chases, blood, mayhem and a totally irresponsible and empty headed script. Initially, I understand the title was to be The Two Dicks.  At least we were spared from that indignity.

When I left the screening room I reflected back on the trip I had getting there. Compared to the movie, it really wasn’t  that bad.

A note to Smith who wrote and directed Clerks, the captivating, Chasing Amy, Zack And Miri Make A Porno, next time, write your own script!

1 bagel out of 4….and, I’m being generous.

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