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Conquering Stress! With Dr. Arlene—Unconventional Melania Causes Stress

Posted Wednesday, July 3, 2019 - 7:53 pm

By Dr. Arlene Barro

Unconventional Melania hides her insecurity behind a veil of independence. Her White House East Wing Office is her sanctuary. Here she escapes from and shuts out her husband’s overwhelming world and the medias’ scrutiny of her.

The CNN documentary Woman of Mystery? Melania Trump wrongly diagnosed Melania’s behavior as mysterious. My analysis will reveal that insecurity is her inner core and the essence of who Melania is. I will unravel the untold story.

Melania Plays Hide-and-Seek

According to Wikipedia, the popular game Hide-and-Seek is suitable for children 4 years old and up. Melania is highly skilled in playing this game. She suddenly appears and then disappears.

Looking back on the 2016 presidential campaign, she rarely appeared. She used her son Barron as an excuse and hid behind him. Melania avoids doing things that make her feel uncomfortable, of which there are many opportunities for this.

Now in the White House, she hides Barron. Months go by and we do not see him. Why is she teaching him to do what she does? Does she want him to spend his adult life hiding, when a situation is or could be unpleasant? What happened to “Be Best,” her own initiative for children? Melania needs to encourage Barron to be self-confident, manage his feelings and speak up appropriately when necessary.

It is true that the media has been unkind to him. That makes it critically important for Barron to start learning how to express his feelings as he is growing up. Melania is setting the stage for Barron’s adult insecurity.

President Trump hid his wife. Dan Tynan reports, Melania no more: Why did Donald Trump take down his wife’s website?, July 29, 2016, that there were two false statements on the website. First, Melania had a degree in architecture. No, Melania dropped out of college. Second, her mother was a fashion designer. No, her mother was a factory worker. I also think that Tump did not believe that her website was appropriate for a First Lady.

Lying and exaggerating are commonly used to boost the confidence of insecure people. Donald Trump has done this throughout his life. Did Melania learn these behaviors from her husband or had them when she, at age 28, met him? You decide.

More hide-and-seek. When Trump announced that he was shutting down the federal government on December 22, 2018 and kept it closed for 35 days, Melania disappeared again for the entire period. Note that she often avoids the media by not walking past them when she and the president are walking together to board Air Force One. Her pattern of appearing and disappearing is a distraction that needs to be addressed. Within the West and East Wings of the White House attempts have been made to cover up her unconventional and odd behavior. These attempts fall flat, failing to convince the savvy observer.

Melania’s Behavior Here and Abroad

Hiring President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump is getting a package deal. In the 2020 election we should evaluate this president and all candidates’ spouses to determine if both are the Right Fit.

Assuming the role of First Lady has pre-established expectations, First Lady Barbara Bush, for example, launched a literacy campaign for children which she continued until she died. First Lady Melania Trump introduced “Be Best” for children which is a poorly thought-out hodgepodge. To learn more, read Katy Waldman’s article The Childlike Strangeness of Melania Trump’s “Be Best” Campaign,, May 8, 2018.

I highly recommend this eye-opening look at Melania’s initiative.

If Trump is re-elected, someone else should take over the responsibility of identifying and implementing an initiative which is a key function of a First Lady. Melania should only be the figure head for this initiative.

When we see Melania with her husband in our country she often appears distant and aloof. He on the, other hand, is very warm toward her. When he takes her hand, she could pull it away. If he gives her a big kiss on the cheek as he did at his presidential kickoff campaign in Orlando, she gives him a peck on the cheek.

Trump’s behavior toward his wife remains consistent. When they travel to other countries, Melania looks much happier and treats her husband more warmly. Look at the online photos of them in London visiting theQueen and in Normandy interacting with President Macron, his wife, and distinguished vets at the D-Day anniversary event.

As for speaking with our news media, when Melania traveled to Africa herself, she was quite snippy. In an interview with Tom Llamas from ABC News on October 13, 2008, Melanie said that “she was the most bullied person in the world.” Melania took a page from her husband’s playbook; playing the victim. She also showed that she learned nothing from her “Be Best” initiative to apply to herself. What image should a First Lady project? Think about it and I will discuss shortly.

“Focus on what I do, not on what I wear,” Melania Trump said to The New York Times, reported by Vanessa Friedman in Melania Trump: Out of Africa Still in Costume,, October 8, 2018 (see the photo of her outfit). That was Melania’s response which led social media’s hilarious response to her white and cream pants outfit, black necktie and large white hat which she wore in Africa. Melania gave a mixed message. If she does not want people to comment on her clothes, she should not dress to attract attention. She is a beautiful woman, who dresses to ignite conversation.

When in Africa, dressing for Fifth Avenue, a fashion show, or a magazine cover is an invitation for people to laugh. Melania should have anticipated this and dressed differently.

Melania’s Fragile Ego Causes Stress

It is customary for First Ladies to support and boost their husband who is the president of the United States. When the media asked Melania to comment on her husband’s affairs, she said, “I am a mother first, a First Lady…I am too busy to think about this.” She did not mention that she is a wife. That is the problem. Melania obsesses about Melania. It is time for Melania to change her behavior.

Trump has caused enormous stress. Melania should focus on stabilizing the chaos not adding to it. The White House must stop covering for Melania and treating her as a child. To learn more, be sure to read Trump Turmoil Causes Stress, December 6, 2018 and Trump’s Ego Causes Stress, February 7, 2019.

Questions about this column? Email

Dr. Arlene Barro, the creator of the Right Fit Method, is a UCLA-trained behavioral educational psychologist and professional speaker. She is the author of “WIN Without Competing!,” a business, career, and personal strategist focusing on success and stress. Founder/CEO of barro global search, inc. at 10940 Wilshire Boulevard, Westwood. Episodes of her radio show are available at

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