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Local Psychologist Dr. Nancy Lee Offers Dating Help In New Book

FAMILY AFFAIR—Psychologist Dr. Nancy Lee is flanked by her sons, from left, David and Michael, at the release of her new book at Barnes & Noble.

Posted Wednesday, July 17, 2019 - 11:39 am

By Steve Simmons

Beverly Hills clinical psychologist Dr. Nancy Lee wants to help women navigate today’s dating landscape and find healthy, rewarding relationships. To that end she has just released her debut guide, Don’t Sleep With Him Yet, with “10 Empowering Steps.”

Lee was inspired to write the book when she realized over her 30-plus-year practice that “so many women were getting into intense relationships very quickly and then after a couple of weeks they were blindsided by a breakup, usually via text, by a man saying ‘I’m not ready’ or ‘I have too much going on.’”

Then there were the young women who got involved with men they convinced themselves they didn’t really care about, “but then couldn’t stop checking their phones for a text that never came. “So I found myself advising women over and over, ‘don’t sleep with him yet,’” says Lee. “So it’s about owning your choices and having insight into what you want, having sex out of desire, not obligation.”

The book covers such topics as dating apps, appearance, sexual consent, what drives the psychological allure of the unavailable, “why players quickly get bored with women after sex,” and “how narcissistic men use emotional manipulation to keep their partners down,” says Lee. There’s even a section on the new science of interpersonal rejection, including how to move on and recover from heartbreak.

To support her theories, Lee spent five years researching all aspects of dating, mating and attraction. In addition to real-life stories, the book draws on data gleaned from surveys and science, essays from such writers as Nora Ephron and Naomi Wolfe, and has more than 100 references.

Lee, who grew up in Beverly Hills, the daughter of Renee and Aaron Kumetz, graduated from BHHS and attended both Cornell University and UCLA. She earned her doctorate from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas—Graduate School of Biomedical Sciences, followed by a postdoctoral fellowship in behavioral medicine at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center.

Major themes of the book include losing self doubt, “trusting yourself and your choices,” “being upfront about what you want in a relationship,” self-respect and being respected.

Lee also explains that women often don’t trust their instincts, “and how that leads them to be drawn in by some really bad men.” She also describes new ways and places to meet and recognize “truly good guys.”

“I hope this book gives women an even stronger voice in the exciting new wave of female empowerment,” says Lee. “For instance, I discuss how the ‘trickle down’ effect of #MeToo and Time’s Up movements have finally stopped women from silence even when it comes to consensual relationships.”

The book is available at Barnes & Noble, where Lee had a recent signing at The Grove and on Amazon where it’s made the “New Releases in Dating” bestseller list.

“When searching for a long-term partner, I always advise women to choose kindness over ‘coolness,’ and to look past superficial charm,” says Lee. “In fact, and this holds for men as well, if you’re fortunate enough to find a partner with integrity and intelligence who also makes you laugh and treats you well—and you do the same for them—you won’t need any more dating advice from me or anyone else.”

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